Thursday, December 8, 2011

...A Letter to You...

Dear Little Rose,
Hi my angel.  How are you?  I've been thinking about you lately and decided to write to you.  I think it may be because Christmas was suppose to be such a happy time for me, all because of you.  Or maybe it's all the babies I see and hear about all the time.  It could maybe be the fact that I was suppose to find out your sex at this time too (my gut tells me you were a girl).  Whatever reason, you have been on my mind a lot this week.  I made you an ornament when I went to Color Me Mine last week.  I wanted to make sure you had a special spot on our tree.  I look at your ornament every day and think of you.  Every time I pass a rose, I stop to smell it, and of course think of you.  People think I can just have another baby, but I'm not sure if I can.  On top of that, having another baby won't bring you back.  I want YOU in my life.  I hope one day I will get to meet you.

I try not to think of you too much because the pain is unbearable.  I long to have you back in my life.  I physically hurt when I think of how much I miss you.  I don't cry much anymore, but sometimes I'm not so strong and I let myself break down.  It's only because I loved you so much and am so sad we had to part. Everyone around me has forgotten about you, but your mommy never will.  I carried you for almost three months, and I will never forget those wonderful moments I got to have with you.

Please know that I am happy and cherish all the wonderful blessings in my life.  I'm just not whole without you.  I bought a necklace based on one of my favorite stories about God.  On one side it has two sets of footprints and on the other it says "It was then that I carried you".  It is in the shape of a heart.  It's a story about how God carries you when you are so sad you can't walk yourself.  The story has a double meaning for me.  I wear it sometimes, and when I feel sad I just hold it.  It makes me feel good to wear it because I feel like I have you with me.  I had a dream about you a few weeks ago and would love for you to visit me again in my dreams.  Until we meet...


PS - I included a picture of your ornament.  Daddy and I called you Baby B (B was for bean).  He misses you very much too.  He loved you just as much as I did.

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