Thursday, February 23, 2012

Maybe Baby?

Date:  2/9/12
Well, I tested last night at 11DPO and it came up positive.  I had been feeling sick for about five days and thought I had a stomach bug.  I didn't think I could possibly be this nauseous so early on.  I have also not been able to sleep through the night, which happened when I was PG.  Last night I got home from walking the pups and I started to have stronger cramps and felt light headed.  I felt this urge to test, so I did.  I did not think a line would come up that fast.  I took another test.  Positive.  I think I spent the rest of the evening in a a daze.  I had a more expensive pregnancy test from last time around, so I told myself I would use that one in the morning.  I woke up at 4:00am and tested two more times.  Both positive.  I couldn't go back to sleep after that.  I went in for blood work today and will get my results tomorrow.  I will be meeting with a new OBGYN in two weeks and plan on having another blood draw in the next few days.  I am due October 20th, which was the day I started to miscarry naturally.  What are the chances of that happening?  I really saw that as a sign.  I actually stopped today in the staff lounge and held my stomach.  I was so overwhelmed with happiness that I could barely stand up.  I prayed so hard last night that this is going to be my take home baby.  Please God, let it be true!
*I'm keeping any baby related posts as drafts.  I really hope one day I will be able to publish them and know that this IS going to be my take home baby!

...Expecting the worse..hoping for the best...

Date: 2/12/12
My cramps started to get a little worse on Monday and were localized to my left side.  I also started to have brown spotting starting Monday as well.  Just a little drop, but enough to break my heart.  The same thing happened on Tuesday and Wednesday.  Last night I totally lost it and realized this may be the end.  My dad got me in to see a doctor tomorrow morning.  I also got more blood work done today.  I'm petrified.  I'm expecting the worse, but hoping for the best tomorrow.

Date: 2/17/12
I'm leaving for my appointment soon and I just can't get this knot out of my stomach.  Alex is off at work and I'm alone at home.  I'm fighting back the tears, and trying to prepare myself for what may come today.  I wish I didn't have to feel this way.  I wonder if we should have waited longer to start trying again, maybe three months wasn't enough time.  I don't feel ready for this emotional roller coaster.  I'm just sick to my stomach.  I really hope the doctor does an ultrasound today and will let me know what's going on one way or another.  Sigh, I really wish this didn't have to be so hard. :[

The appointment went pretty well.  The doctor saw a gestational sac in my uterus, but couldn't rule out what is causing the pain in the left side.  I was sent to the hospital to do an ultrasound.  They also found a gestational sac in my uterus measuring 5w1d, with a questionable yolk sac.  They could not find a cause for the pain in my left side (I ovulated from my right ovary, so it's not a cyst).  They don't believe it's a tubal, but can't completely rule it out yet since I'm so early.  I also got my third beta back on Friday.  My HCG has doubled but my progesterone continues to drop.  Friday was a very stressful day for me.  I'm going in for more blood work on Monday and will get the results on Tuesday.  I'm also going back to the doctor on Thursday for a follow up ultrasound.  I'm still continuing to have a dull ache in my left side, along with other minor cramps and extreme nausea.  I also had three days of small temp drops, along with a bigger one on the next day.  Thankfully, it shot back up and then dropped slightly the next day.  I'm just not sure how this is all going to turn out.  I think tomorrow's blood work will say a lot and if it's good news, I'm putting the thermometer away.

Date:  2/22/12
I have another appointment tomorrow and I'm so scared.  I got my HCG levels back and they are at 12,000, which is good but a little high for where I'm at (5w2d).  So of course I think of the worst.  Molar?  Tubal?  What's wrong with me?  What's this strange cramp in my left side that I've had for over a week?  The questions are never ending and I just can't seem to relax.  I'm exhausted, nauseous, and my emotions are all over the place.  I'm in no way complaining, but I just can't shake this feeling that I'm doomed.  I know I have to get more faith, for me and this baby.  Tomorrow's appointment will be a biggie and I pray that I will have good news tomorrow.

Houston, we have a heartbeat!

*Date: 2/23/12
Well, my follow up appointment went well.  I went in expecting the worse and was in tears as I was sitting there waiting for the doctor.  He did the ultrasound right away and the second he said I have something to show you, I was so overwhelmed with happiness.  He showed me the screen and I saw my LO and it's beautiful heartbeat.  I had no idea you could see a heartbeat this early.  My whole world stopped.  The doctor gave me a small lecture after.  He told me that I need to start relaxing and let him worry about me.  This is my first time with this doctor and I'm so glad he's so caring.  He's going to see me again in two weeks to help calm my nerves and to check on the baby.  He can't predict the future and I know that I'll never fully be in the clear..but today I'm pregnant and I love my baby!  This is the badge I made for my siggy.  :]

Thursday, February 16, 2012

My Beautiful Bracelet

We did another exchange with the people on my message board.  This was a bracelet exchange for Valentine's Day.  My bracelet is absolutely beautiful.  It also came with an explanation of how all the different parts of the bracelet relate to fertility and your health.  The clasp is an elephant and the tag says "believe".  I just love it and will cherish it forever.

Saturday, February 4, 2012

A Special Rose

One of my students gave me a rose on Tuesday at the beginning of class.  I asked her what it was for and she said "just because".  It really made my day.  I keep it on my desk as a reminder of all the good things that will come in my life and at this moment, I'm at peace and I'm happy.

AD #14 - Bike Ride to Downtown Long Beach

We have a bike path along the beach that starts about a minute from our house.  We ride our bikes about once a month, we've started riding a bit more.  We decided to go to downtown Long Beach today, which is the farthest we've ever rode.  It took about two hours round trip.  We stopped by Lion's Lighthouse by the Pike and had a picnic lunch.  It was an incredibly beautiful day.  There were a couple moments I closed my eyes, smelled the ocean, and realized how happy I am.
 The start of our ride
 On the other side is where we started
 Downtown Long Beach
 Queen Mary

 Lion's Lighthouse
 Where we had our picnic lunch
Our bikes

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Goal Check In #1

I want to check in with my goals at the beginning of each month to make sure I'm sticking to them!

1.  I have continued to do adventure days every weekend since we started the whole thing.  I'm really loving this time with Alex and seeing all kinds of new things.
2.  We just finished our first cycle TTC.  I know it won't happen right away, but a girl can always dream right?
3.  I have lost 5.5 lbs.  My Fitness Pal is such a great tool!
4.  I have been working out every day for 30+ minutes and using the elliptical 2-3x a week.  It feels so good!
5.  Wow, have I really learned to except people for what they are!  I'm very proud of how I've handled myself in some pretty tough situations this year.
6.  I am focusing on living life to the fullest.  The last week is the happiest I've been since I was PG.  It feels great to focus on the all the positives in my life.
7.  We are going to SLO to visit my brother in two weeks.  We will be taking a tour of Hearst Castle and visiting two missions.  I'm so excited about this!  We went to Palm Desert a couple weeks ago and spent the weekend with my grandparents.
8.  I have set up a few meetings at school for students who desperately need it.  I've tried a couple new things and am doing the best I can in the classroom.
9.  Alex and I have been getting along really well.
10.  I have definitely not been spending as much time at school!  I've started working during my lunch break and am getting so much work done then.  It feels great to leave school at school and enjoy my time at home.
11.  I'm currently reading my first book club book of the month.  I don't think I'll finish it by our first meeting next Friday, but it's a long one!
12.  We have not started any house projects.  We did go to the bank and figure out all our accounts.  We set up a CD account and are hoping to save $10,000 this year.  So, the house projects may be put off to the side for now.