Saturday, March 10, 2012


Today I'm 8 weeks pregnant.  I had another ultrasound on Thursday, baby was measuring three days ahead and looked good.  Of course, I'm not jumping for joy yet.  With my last pregnancy, I saw the baby at 8w and she looked perfect as well.  It was five days later that her beautiful heart stopped beating.  I'm trying my best to stay positive, but the fear of losing this LO is constant.  I often think how I will handle losing this one and I hate that I think that way.  I have also been plagued with a headache that is going on four days now.  Last pregnancy, I had a headache for a few days around the time LO passed away.  I'm petrified that this is history repeating itself.  My wonderful doctor told me I can come in next week if I'm worried and the headache doesn't go away, just to check to see if everything is okay.  If not, my next appointment will be at 10 weeks.

The good news is I have been very sick with his pregnancy.  The nausea is all day, all night, with no relief.  I get sick at least once a day, usually at night.  It is miserable for me, but I know that means LO is doing okay.  I woke up in the middle of the night last night and got extremely sick, but didn't have anything to throw up.  I got sick after breakfast as well.  I was telling Alex that I think it was pumpkin telling me he was okay in there (which I really hope is true).  I know these next couple weeks will be hard for me, but I'm going to do my best to stay positive and not lose hope in my little pumpkin.  He deserves to have all the faith in the world.  The reason I'm calling pumpkin a boy is because I had a dream a week ago and baby was a boy.  He had red hair, beautiful blue eyes, and holding him was the most amazing thing in the world.  I have never had a pregnancy dream like that, so I've been thinking back on it often and day dreaming about what it would be like to really have a baby in my arms one day.

Keep growing pumpkin!  Mommy loves you so much!