Friday, November 25, 2011

AD #4 - The Huntington

Today we had a special guest with us, my brother. :]  We went to The Huntington Library, Art Collections, & Botanical Gardens in San Marino.  It is one of LA's great cultural treasures with its beautiful paintings, rare manuscripts, and lovely botanical gardens.
We went into the library and saw some of the oldest books in the world.  We walked through many different botanical gardens and had lunch there as well.  After, we took my brother to see Occupy LA, since it was a big topic at Thanksgiving dinner last night.  We're going to end our day with dinner with my dad and a show at The Laugh Factory.  Today was a good day. :]

 My favorite, snapdragons
 One of the 12 remaining..the first substantial printed book ever
 Light exhibit
 Cactus garden

 Lilypad ponds

 Rose garden

Japanese garden (under construction)

Thursday, November 24, 2011

A Day of Thanks

Happy Thanksgiving!  Though I'm thankful for all the blessing in my life every day, I wanted to write them all down on this special day.  I'm doing well, I really am.  Though some people think I may be feeling sad or whatever else, I am strong and living my life to the fullest.  I have my moments and I will allow myself to grieve for a loss that was very real to me.  I'm very proud at how far I have come.
I'm enjoying a nice cup of coffee (haven't had a cup of coffee in over 8 years because it hurts my stomach).  We bought a Keurig last weekend and it came with coffee, so I figured what the heck.  It's the best machine ever, we love it!  That is one thing I'm thankful for. :]

Other things I'm thankful for...
-My husband:  I have had my best friend by my side for 9 1/2 years.  He knows me better than anyone else in the world.  He has watched me turn into the person I am today.  He has been there with me through the darkest days and I can never thank him enough for that.  The best thing about him?  His sense of humor.  He makes me laugh every single day.  He is one of the funniest people I know and that laughter has kept me going through all this.  He will really be the best dad in the world.  I hope one day he will get a chance to be one.  I love you!
-My pups:  I have been an animal lover since I can remember.  I have had two dogs prior to the ones I have now, and I'm always thankful for them.  The two we have now are the loves of our lives.  They have brought so much joy to our house.  We rescued them about a month after we moved in together.  They are brother and sister.  They are totally crazy!  They will never understand how much of my happiness I owe to them.  The night of my miscarriage, they were in bed with me laying right by my side.  Dogs are amazing creatures.  I can't imagine my life without them.
-My family:  I have a wonderful family.  I'm so thankful everyone is happy and healthy.  My parents were there with me for the first few days of the miscarriage and it was so nice to have their love and support.
-My job:  Though there are times I want to scream, I am so thankful I have a teaching job during this difficult time for teachers.  I love teaching and it has been so great for me the last month.
-My home:  I love my house!  I call it my safe haven.  I cannot wait to leave work every day just to come home.  Every time I walk up to my house, my heart flutters.  It's the most adorable and warm home I have ever been in.  I love everything about it.  It makes me so happy to live where I do.  The beach is right down the street and I love smelling the salty ocean every morning.  I'm so incredibly blessed to live where I do.  My parents have a lot to do where we live, and I cannot thank them enough for helping us get this dream home.
-My pregnancy:  Yes, the pregnancy that I no longer have.  I am thankful I got to feel what it was like to be pregnant.  I have never felt happiness like that before.  To think there was a little being growing inside of me is an indescribable feeling.  Though I'm heartbroken it has been taken away from me, I'm thankful I got to know what it felt like.  I have come to terms that I may never get to feel it again and I will cherish those few months forever.  I miss my baby more than I can explain and I wish it was with me, but I know it wasn't meant to be here.  I bought a necklace with a quote from one of my favorite stories about Jesus.  When I'm feeling sad, I squeeze it and know that I will be okay.  I love you little one and wish so very much I could have met you one day.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Cards & Smiles

The last couple weeks I have been going to my girls' volleyball games.  They are so much fun!  Over the last week, some of the girls have written me thank you cards.  They really warm my heart every time I read them.  My students can really turn any bad day into a good one (that goes for most of them).  They don't know this, but I will cherish these notes forever.

Sunday, November 20, 2011

AD #3 - Los Angeles

Another very busy weekend, but made some space for an adventure day.  We had our couple's club dinner on Friday, a King's game Saturday afternoon, and I had a book club party Saturday night.  It's been an insanely busy last couple weeks, but it's been so good for me.  It's been four weeks since my D&C and AF came yesterday.  I was so happy! we decided to head to Los Angeles and some museums.  It was a very rainy day here in Southern California, but we thought that would make the day more fun.  My husband decided to show me "Occupy Los Angeles" before we got to the museums.  I don't really know the whole point of it, but they had tents set up all the way around City Hall.  It was insane!  I took a picture which shows just a small section.
On our way to the museums I also got to see...
This is on the list for a future day.  This is where the old Los Angeles Pueblo was located.  Now there are a bunch of historical buildings and Olvera Street, which has lots of shops and restaurants.
After some sightseeing in LA, we made it to our first stop..the La Brea Tar Pits.  "Rancho La Brea is one of the world’s most famous fossil localities, recognized for having the largest and most diverse assemblage of extinct Ice Age plants and animals in the world."  Not only are there some tar pits still there (some they are currently excavating) but inside the museum are all the specimens they have put together.
Hard to see the sign...
Wooly Mammoth
Tar Pits
After our visit here, we decided to walk in the pouring rain to the Peterson Museum.  It was a few blocks down the street.  We walked by the Los Angeles County Museum of Art and got to see a piece of the Berlin wall that was in front of a random building.
Berlin Wall
We went to the Peterson museum for Alex (my husband).  I like old cars, but he loves them.  The museum was really cool and it was the first time I'd ever been there.  We also had lunch inside the museum at Johnny Rockets.  We had a great time!
Batmobile & Batcycle
Front of the Peterson
On our way back on the "Magnificent Mile", we saw a sign for us!  I thought that was cute.
Famous "Magnificent Mile" Sign
Our lovely sign :]
The drive home was pretty crazy in the pouring rain.  But, it just made the day that more exciting!  We bought one souvenir today.  A rock pencil that Alex and I both got when we were younger!  It's amazing how one pencil can bring back so many memories.  Now I just hope we don't fight for who gets to use the pencil. :]

Our special rock pencil

Friday, November 18, 2011

Pity Party 27th birthday was on Tuesday.  I was really planning on having a pity party for myself.  I don't really care for my birthday (never really have) and don't like to do anything for it.  I just feel it's another day in the year.  Well, it's hard to get away from, especially when you're a teacher.  Not only was it my birthday, but it was on a Tuesday this year (my move one week ahead date for my pregnancy).  I should have been 15 weeks.  I really hope I can forget how many weeks I'm suppose to be so I don't have to keep feeling like crap every Tuesday.
Anyways, I started my day feeling sad, because I wasn't going to celebrate moving ahead one week in my pregnancy.  I always struggle on Tuesday mornings.  I got to school and my boss called me to wish me a happy b-day.  We had morning prayer and another teacher said a prayer for me.  I started to feel better.  When I went to pick up my kids from the yard, I was surrounded by kids giving me their handmade b-day cards.  I never publicize my birthday.  They asked me when it was in the beginning of the year and remembered when it was.  Even my 5th graders remembered my birthday!  A parent I had last year brought my class in cup cakes!  It was very overwhelming, but in a wonderful way.  A student even brought me a bouquet of flowers.  I can't tell you how good those cards made me feel.  They were so full of love and instantly I felt better.  When I got to my room, my aide had made a b-day poster for me and had hung it up on my door.  All the kids had signed it.

The rest of the day went really well.  When I got home, I found a surprise on my pillow.  It was a bouquet of pink roses with a card.  My husband and I never get each other b-day presents.  I'm not into him getting my flowers either.  But today he did and I was happy for that.  He knows how I feel about roses since the miscarriage and pink is my favorite color.  It was such a sweet gesture.  The card he wrote to me was beautiful.  I would post it, but he would probably be embarrassed.
Notice the bite mark in the rose on the bottom?  That was one of the pups. :]  We went to dinner at Ruby's that night and had to buy 3 gallons of vegetable oil for a science experiment.  School duties never ever end.  It was a nice way to end the day.  I'm happy to say there was no pity party over here!  It was actually a really nice birthday and I'm so glad I got to spend it with people who make me so happy.
This was definitely one of the highlights of my day...peanut butter & chocolate shake!  Yummmm!

Sunday, November 13, 2011

AD #2 - California Ranchos

This was our second weekend of having an adventure day.  I found out that there was a rancho not far from our house.  Being a 4th grade teacher, this made me so excited!  It was also free.  What could be better than that?  So off we went!

Before this land became a rancho, Native Americans inhabited the land.  The name of the rancho was Rancho Los Cerritos.  It was a beautiful adobe building built in 1844, used for cattle ranching. We got to go on a tour of the house and the grounds, just my husband, the docent and I.  It was so neat to see and learn so much history about California.  The property was later bought in 1866 and was used for sheep ranching.  The adobe was covered and the building was given a more modern look.  They left some of the original adobe in tact, which was super cool to see.  The building underwent a remodel in 1930 and was eventually donated to the City of Long Beach.

We found out after the tour that there was another rancho nearby. So we decided to go and see it.  Turns out, it's about 10 minutes from our house and right next to the college we both graduated from.  We never knew either of these ranchos existed!  This rancho was called Rancho Los Alamitos.  We got to take a tour of the incredible garden before we went on the house tour.  It was originally used for cattle ranching and was also made out of adobe.  It was built in the early 1800's.  The second owner had to sell the ranch when a two year drought killed most of his cattle.  The adobe building was deteriorating when the third owner bought it in 1878.  With his wife, they fixed the building and turned it into a home and created beautiful gardens all around the property.  It was still used as a ranch.  The building and grounds stayed in the family until 1960, when it was donated to the City of Long Beach.  

Saturday, November 12, 2011

Sweet Smells

My house smells so good!  I bought a Christmas candle at Target yesterday and it has three layers.  Each one is a different Christmas smell, I love it.  Today I bought this special candle holder.  You put oil on top and light a candle below it.  It makes the whole house smell so sweet.  Good smells put me in a good mood.  We also bought scented oils for different rooms in the house.  I always like my house to smell good.  It makes me instantly happy.

It's a cold and rainy day here in Southern California.  I'm cuddled up on the couch, researching my latest travel plans.  Tonight we're having dinner with my parents and going to see Tower Heist.  It's turning out to be a good day!

My current travel plans:
-December: Temecula for a weekend (wine tasting tour, oh yeah!) & I'm going to spend a week in D.C. to visit my wonderful sister and my two beautiful nephews (who I adore more than anything).
-January: Going to visit my grandparents for a weekend.  They live in Palm Desert.  My husband and I go once a year to visit them.  We love these trips to see them.
-February: Spending a weekend in Santa Barbara with another couple.  We are going to go to the mission and presidio there (among other things).
-April: Keeping my fingers crossed that my husband gets the week off when I'm on spring break.  We are debating between Seattle and New Mexico.  I'm leaning towards New Mexico, the land of enchantment.  I don't want to get too excited.  He has a hard time getting time off.
-June: Again, keeping my fingers crossed that he gets the days off at the end of June he requested.  Not quite sure where I want to go for that.  I'm open to suggestions.  It also depends on our funds.
-August: Hopefully spending a long weekend somewhere to celebrate my dad's 60th birthday.

Traveling is one of my greatest loves.  There is nothing like going to a new place and discovering it for the first time.  I'm so happy to be planning all these wonderful trips!

Friday, November 11, 2011

Just When You Think...

everything is going great, you get reminded of the sadness that lurks in the back of your mind.  Boo!  I had a really great week!  I've done something different every night this week, probably over did it actually.  I went to my students' volleyball games, one of my student's dad's election party, parent conferences for two days, football game for my school, and lots of dinners out.  I have been feeling back to normal physically and have just been having a good week.
     Well...tonight I found out my cousin's wife is due the same time I was in May.  I knew she was pregnant (not how far along she was) and I had a gut feeling that she was due around the same time as me.  I'm happy for her and my cousin, but just know this will be a reminder for me about where I should have been in my pregnancy.  Even worse, when the baby is born, I will know I should have had a baby at that time too.  Selfish?  Yeah, I know how it sounds.  But the whole point of this blog was to write how I'm feeling, so there it is.  It makes me ask the questions, "Why me?  Why couldn't I be like her and have a healthy pregnancy?"
     I also had my follow up D&C appointment this morning.  I was put in the same room as when I met with my doctor for the first time about my m/c.  I never imagined how hard it would be, sitting in the room all alone.  The nurse practitioner was a joke, and it was a pointless visit.  She let me know the baby was a "product of conception".  Yes I knew that.  I saw its heartbeat and arm/leg buds.  I saw its little body and head.  Everyone seems to forget I was carrying a baby and I saw it.  It was real to me.
     Tomorrow night was the night we were going to tell my husband's family.  I had a b-day party planned and we were going to put an ultrasound picture on the cake.  We had even bought adorable t-shirts to wear.  Well, I had to cancel it because I knew I couldn't handle it and I don't even like celebrating my b-day.  I just thought that would have been the perfect surprise for them.  It sucks that I can't be having that party tomorrow.  It sucks that I can't share the great news with them.
     I know there is no easy road to recovery.  It's a process.  These were just little bumps that I will hop over and I will continue to move on with my life.

Saturday, November 5, 2011

AD #1 - San Juan Crappytraino

We have decided to try and doing something fun every weekend.  We are calling them "our adventure days" (creative, I know).  I'm going to call them AD in the title.  
We took the train to San Juan Capistrano to tour the mission and have lunch.  We went with my friend from school, her husband, and her daughter.  We had a great time on the train, at the mission, and at lunch.  I love California history!  We walked around the city and looked in different shops after lunch.  We were back at the train station, ready to go home, when they told us the train was canceled.  The next train wasn't for three hours later!  We could have waited the three hours but we couldn't leave the pups that long alone (yes, we're crazy about our pups).  Well, after 45 minutes of all three of us calling different cab companies, shuttle services, and rental car places..we finally got a cab.  We were going to take it to the nearest airport and rent a car.  Well, my friend's husband made a deal with the cab driver and he drove us all the way back to Union Station in Los Angeles.  It was quite the adventure.  My friend's daughter has now named the city "San Juan Crappytraino".  I still laugh just thinking about it!

The most special part of the day?  We bought a candle and lit it for our LO.  I kissed the candle and we left it in the church there.  Such a wonderful moment for us.  I love the church at this mission and love knowing our candle will be burning there for a few days in honor of the baby we miss so very much.