Thursday, May 31, 2012

Mommy dreamt about you!

We had our anatomy scan on Tuesday.  It went really well and all looks good so far.  I was 19w3d and baby was measuring at 20w.  We found out that we're having a boy!  I've known all along that this LO was a boy!  My doctor did a guess a few weeks ago and guessed girl, and I knew he was wrong.  I had a dream early in my pregnancy when I was feeling very scared.  I dreamt about holding a beautiful baby boy and it was the most beautiful dream I've ever had.  But besides that, I've just had this gut feeling it was a boy!

It was so incredible seeing him move around.  He's head down for now and definitely likes punching me!  He had his hands in a fist the whole time.  We are thinking of going with Quinn Leon.  I just like the name Quinn and Leon is after my great grandfather (my grammy's father).  She was so thrilled when I told her that!  I'm feeling him kick a little more and know that what I've been feeling the last few weeks have probably been him.

As for me, I came out at work.  I couldn't hide this bump anymore.  We have two really big events this weekend (one with family and one with friends) and I'm really hesitant about sharing this news with so many more people.  I'm feeling very vulnerable, scared, anxious, and constantly in fear.  I know this is bad, unhealthy, and not good for the baby.  But I can't seem to ease my mind, even after a great appointment.  I wish so very much that I could enjoy this pregnancy and stop spending so much time wondering what is going to happen.  I love this baby so much it hurts.  What hurts even more is thinking about losing him.  I'm so ashamed that I can't be stronger for him, but I'm really trying my best.  That's all I can do for now.

19 Week Bump
 My grammy gave me these from their house.  They are moving and made a box of trinkets for each grandchild.  These were some of the things in there.  I <3 them.
 Best profile shot we got, his chin is down.
Celebrating with a very yummy drink!  He kicked me while I was drinking this, so I'm thinking he liked it too!  A treat for him for being so cute!

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