*20 Things Us Moms of Angel Babies Want Others to Know*

I wish I could print this out and hand it to everyone who knows someone who has lost their baby, then maybe they could understand how life changing and devastating this loss can be.  I find people saying/doing things that are extremely hurtful in regards to my loss (most of which is not intentional).  I saw this today on a website and had to share it.  It is like someone stole the words right out of my mouth.

1. I wish you would not be afraid to mention my baby. The truth is just because you never saw my baby doesn't mean it doesn't deserve your recognition. 2. I wish that if we did talk about my baby and I cried you didn't think it was because you have hurt me by mentioning my baby. The truth is I need to cry and talk about my baby with you. Crying and emotional outbursts help me heal. 3. I wish that you could talk about my baby more than once. The truth is if you do, it reassures me that you haven't forgotten and that you do care and understand. 4. I wish you wouldn't think that I don't want to talk about my baby. The truth is I love my baby and need to talk about him or her. 5. I wish you could tell me you are sorry my baby has died and that you are thinking of me. The truth is that it tells me you care. 6. I wish you wouldn't think what has happened is one big bad memory for me. The truth is the memory of my baby, the love I feel for my baby, the dreams I had and the memories I have created for my baby are all loving memories. Yes there are bad memories too but please understand that it's not all like that. 7. I wish you wouldn't pretend that my baby never existed. The truth is we both know I had a baby growing inside me. 8. I wish you wouldn't judge me because I am not acting the way you think I should be. The truth is grief is a very personal thing and we are all different people who deal with things differently. 9. I wish you wouldn't think if I have a good day I'm "over it" or if I have a bad day I am being unreasonable because you think I should be over it. The truth is there is no "normal" way for me to act. 10. I wish you wouldn't stay away from me. The truth is losing my baby doesn't mean I'm contagious. By staying away you make me feel isolated, confused and like it is my fault. 11. I wish you wouldn't expect my grief to be "over and done with" in a few weeks, months, or years for that matter. The truth is it may get easier with time but I will never be "over" this. 12. I wish you wouldn't think that my baby wasn't really a baby and it was blood and tissue or a fetus. The truth is my baby was a human life. My baby had a soul, heart, body, legs, arms and a face. I have seen my baby's body and face. My baby was a real person. 13. My babies due date, Mothers Day, celebration times, the day my baby died and the day I lost my baby are all important and sad days for me. The truth is I wish you could tell me by words or by letter you are thinking of me on these days. 14. I wish you understood that losing my baby has changed me. The truth is I am not the same person I was before and will never be that person again. If you keep waiting for me to get back to ""normal" you will stay frustrated. I am a new person with new thoughts, dreams, beliefs, and values. Please try to get to know the real me-maybe you'll still like me. 15. I wish you wouldn't tell me I could have another baby. The truth is I want the baby I lost and no other baby can replace this baby. Babies aren't interchangeable. Besides, you do not know whether we have fertility problems too. 16. I wish you wouldn't feel awkward or uncomfortable talking about my baby or being near me. When you do, I can see it. The truth is it's not fair to make me feel uncomfortable just because you are. 17. I wish you wouldn't think that you'll keep away because all my friends and family will be there for me. The truth is, everyone thinks the same thing and I am often left with no one. 18. I wish you would understand that being around pregnant women is sometimes uncomfortable for me. Some days I'll be jealous and others it will give me hope. 19. I wish you wouldn't say that it's natures way of telling me something was wrong with my baby. The truth is my baby was perfect to me no matter what you think nature is saying. 20. I wish you would understand what you are really saying when you say "next time things will be okay". The truth is how do you know? What will you say if it happens to me again?

12 Goals for 2012

I'm not one to make resolutions, but I thought it would be fun to set some goals for 2012.

1.  Continue with my adventure days (try to do one a week, if not, every other week)
2.  Try my best to get pregnant (though I know this is not all in my control)
3.  Lose weight
4.  Exercise more (30+ minutes a day)
5.  Accept people for what/who they are (realize they aren't going to change)
6.  Focus on enjoying life to the fullest
7.  Take some fun trips (there are a couple in the making)
8.  Continue to grow as a teacher and try new things in my classroom
9.  Be the best wife I can be
10.  Try to manage my time better at school so I don't live there (I've been doing better with this)
11.  Stick with my book club and read one book a month
12.  Complete a couple of our house projects (one being putting up new gates)

I'm so happy to say goodbye to 2011 (though there were some great times) and can't wait for the new year!

**11 Highlights/Accomplishments from 2011**
1.  I had the greatest class I've ever had.  They were so awesome!
2.  I went to Germany for a week and got to meet many of my relatives.
3.  I went to Las Vegas, Palm Desert, Washington DC and Oregon.
4.  I was pregnant, for three months.  The best time of my life.
5.  I started adventure days and have done some really fun things.
6.  I have realized how precious life really is.
7.  I have realized how strong I am.
8.  I have found a wonderful message board that I love.
9.  I successfully ran and taught summer school.
10.  I successfully took over doing supplies at school.
11.  I chopped off my hair (see post below).

**Cheers to a New Year**

AD #8 - Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas!  Today was a little bit of a wacky adventure today.  We were planning on taking the pups to El Dorado Park.  It's a huge park by our house with paths for walking and looking at all the beautiful nature.  Well, we found out they were closed last night (guess we should have checked sooner).  So our new plan was to grab breakfast somewhere fun, then take the dogs on a long walk along the beach. When we got up this morning, Alex let the dogs out of their kennel and come sleep with us for a bit.  One of our dogs jumped up on the bed and started to squeal.  We got up and she wouldn't put any pressure on her leg.  We waited about an hour and she still was not putting her leg down.  So off to the emergency vet hospital we went.  We were there for an hour or so, and she seemed to be doing much better.  The doctor thinks her knee cap may have went out of place and popped back in.  We got her some medicine for the next few days and that was it.  I'm so happy it was nothing more serious than that.

So we decided to have Roscoes Chicken and Waffles for breakfast/lunch (a famous spot here in California.  I have always wanted to eat there.  They serve waffles with fried chicken.  I know, wierd combination, but it was delicious!  We got take out and came back to our house to eat it.  We ate in our beautiful backyard and enjoyed the 70 degree weather.  Gotta love Southern California.  For the rest of our day, we are going to hang out and then go to our families' houses for dinner.  We also have to stop by the cemetery to visit Alex's dad and wish him a Merry Christmas. <3  The highlight of the day so far..we finally beat the new Super Mario Brothers on Wii (we are such dorks)!

The day didn't go as planned, but it was still a wonderful day filled with all the things I love and some adventure as well!

Goodbye Hair!

Today was the day!  I chopped off 12 inches!  I started this tradition six years ago.  I wanted to grow out my hair and donate it to Locks of Love.  It has to be at least 10 inches to donate.  I have found it takes my hair about two years to do that (with a trim or two in the middle).  This was my third time doing it and it always feels just as great each time.  I always feel like a new person after and this is coming at a perfect time.  Can't wait to do this again in another two years!

AD #7 - Temcula

This wasn't really an adventure day, it was more like an adventure weekend.  We just got back from two nights in Temecula and we had a wonderful time.  Before we left Saturday, we went to Rosemary's funeral and burial, which was beautiful.  It was very important for me to be there.  When I went to pay my condolences to her husband, he told me how much she loved me.  I will cherish that moment forever.  We got seeds to plant in her remembrance.  I planted them today and can't wait to see them bloom.  Now I have flowers to remember her and my rose bush in remembrance of my little one.

We got into Temecula about 5pm.  We hung out in the room for a bit and then went to Old Town.  We had dinner at a lovely restaurant called Bailys.  They also have a winery, so I had a tiny sampling of wine before we ate.  Dinner was delicious.  We each got a four course meal for $60 altogether.  We walked around Old Town when we were finished.  It was decorated so nicely for Christmas.  This city has been around since 1882!

 Old Town Temecula

My sampling at dinner

After dinner, we went back to the hotel and I passed out.  It was a long day.

Sunday morning we went back to Old Town for a good ol' fashioned breakfast.  We ate at the Swing Inn Cafe.  This cafe has been here since 1927 and they still serve things from their original menu (though it's not the same price).  We had a good, hearty breakfast before our tour.  After breakfast, we went back to the hotel to wait for the Grapeline Shuttle to pick us up.  We booked a wine tasting tour for the day.  We have done it twice before and always have a great time!  We went to four different wineries and had so much fun.  Our shuttle was full and the people were so fun.  The tour guide was awesome and played great music.  At our first winery, we had a private tour and got to pick off grapes straight from the vines!  At the other wineries, we had time to relax and look at the beautiful views, while sipping great wine.  

 Riding on the shuttle

 Our private tasting at Leonesse (first stop)

 Beautiful view of Temecula

 Walking through the vineyards

 Stopping for a taste

 Private tasting room at Leonesse

 Lunch and tasting at Mount Palomar Winery

 Third tasting at Longshadow Ranch

My favorite port comes from Longshadow Ranch.  We got to have it in a chocolate boot.  It is my favorite thing to do when I'm in Temecula.  How cute is this decoration?  Our last stop was at Oak Mountain Winery, but I didn't get any pictures (too busy drinking).

After our last winery, we were on our way back to the hotel.  The tour guide was playing great old school rap and we were all singing and dancing.  Somehow in the middle of all that, we made plans to go out in Old Town with another couple staying at our hotel.  When we got back to our hotel, we were told the power was completely out.  We could stay or go down the street to another hotel.  It was crazy.  So we went upstairs in the total dark and realized we didn't have our room key.  My husband had to go back downstairs to get it.  I will include the picture I took as I was sitting there waiting (totally drunk by this point).  After we packed up all our stuff, we moved to the new hotel.  

 I will call this one "Drunk girl and a flashlight".

We met up with our new friends and went out to Old Town.  We had dinner and some drinks back at Bailys, we were at the downstairs restaurant this time.  The food there was outstanding as well!  After that, we walked around trying to find another bar, but nothing was open.  We took a cab (we made friends with the cab driver, so we called him again) to the Tilted Kilt and ended up playing shuffle board and drinking there for a few hours.  The other couple was super nice!  After that, we decided to walk back to our hotel, which took about 30 minutes and included walking over a freeway.  It was quite the adventure.  I passed out as soon as we got back to the hotel.  I couldn't believe I made it.  We drank from 12 noon until 10pm, non stop.  I'm proud of myself, haha.  

Pretty lights in Old Town

We left early this morning to make sure we got back in time to pick up the pups before 12 (or else the daycare charges you for the day).  I'm so happy to be home with my babies.  I'm going to spend the rest of the day lounging and recovering!!  We had so much fun and made two new friends.  We needed this for sure.  I can't forget the two yummy bottles of wine we brought home too.

Saying Goodbye to Another Rose...

God has decided he needed another angel in Heaven.  My dad's good friend Rosemary lost her battle with cancer Monday night.  She was a very spiritual person and I know she is in Heaven, smiling down on all of us.  I wonder if she has found my Rose?  Rosemary was a beautiful person, inside and out.  She was always there for my dad and was the one he always went to for advice.  Though I didn't know her that well, she was my number one cheerleader.  She would always tell my dad I would be okay (especially when I was in high school and got in trouble).  She was one of the women I invited to my wedding (only immediate family were invited).  She was such a special person.  I had to dedicate this post to her.

To Rosemary - the definition of what a true woman is.  I will miss you.  Please find Rose and hold her for me. I will think of you often.  I know you will continue to be there for my dad and for that I am forever thankful.  Love - Danielle

Pouring you a glass of one of your favorite drinks. :]

AD #6 - Balboa Island

Who wouldn't love going on a little ferry to an island?  Well, that's what we did today.  Balboa Island is in Newport Beach, which is about 30 minutes away from our house.   I loved walking around and looking at all the little shops.  There are beautiful homes here too, some decorated for Christmas.  Overall, it was a very simple and relaxing afternoon.  Just what I needed!  I feel pictures tell so much more of a story than actually writing it.

 Ferry to Balboa Island

 It only fits three cars

 Ferry ride lasts about five minutes

 Downtown shopping area (we bought some cute stuff!)

 So cute

 We stopped for some yummy candy.  I had sour straws and ate too many.  Which led to a stomachache. I haven't had that in forever, but it was worth it.

 There is something so wrong about this, but I remember having these as a kid!

 

 Loved how cute this house was decorated.

 They have their own private pier, also decorated.

 Private piers

Balboa Harbor